Structure

If you have read any of these blogs you might have some idea of my passion for over explaining.  I didn’t actually consider when I started this series of writing blogs and then making Youtube videos everyday how much the structure would help me. Let alone also putting my mind on paper.

Structure always came naturally in my life. With the recent experiences and state of mind I’m now realizing this may be how I made it this far with the mental fortitude that I have.

The simplest things from eating/working out/showering in a planned manner to scheduling my coffee days really kept my life process moving forward. Letting brain power/energy be used for other stuff while the body just goes through the motions naturally.

Looking back it makes a lot of sense. If you inherently know all the things to do to make each day start on the right foot and be a positive experience for you, then you don’t have to spend energy calculating and deciding. These daily actions set groundwork for making all the other things coming at you easier to approach.

I don’t know if its good genes or star signs or heroic dose of Psilocybin that got me in this mode but I thank the universe every morning NOW that I am capable. When your mind is stressed some of the affects are terrifying.

Waking up in cold sweats and tears feeling disconnected from your body was a new one for me. I made it through with meditation, stretching, a favorite Youtube video and 30 mins of my 311 playlist with every song they ever made. Now back to that baseline but it was by no means “normal” per se.

Normal enough to perform daily routines workout/shower and work processes though was enough to make it through. 24hrs later hitting my routine again my mind readapts. Lot of balance returning these days. These blogs and Youtubes are an excellent addition to the structure giving an outlet for excess energy/thoughts and an occasional screaming session at a metal railing(In-game of course).

I’m on the progress path and this structure old/new is an excellent platform to stand. Still really difficult to define my reality of current existence in this creative void. Just taking it one step at a time. Nothing I read provides peace, every song a psychological projection but patience for emergence of new self awarenss is strong.

Thanks to anyone who made it this far reading all these blogs or watching any of my mediocre gameplay videos on Youtube. Even with the lack of creativity and inspiration Im gonna keep going for the passion of the structure.

Lastly a new Avatar, thanks ChatGPT for giving it some flair.